The
Idler’s Miscellany
What
was she to me
Gone
now, taking sunny days with her
I
should have seen it coming, moping here
And
miserable
I
realize now that I did all the running
She
only joined the chase
Because
she wanted to be caught
No
more kisses for you, lady
I’ve
got my head screwed-on
At
last
She’s
pretty enough, but I see now
A
hard bitch in other ways
Thinking
back on the good times
Everything
seemed possible
I
can still taste her mouth
Catullus
You’re
an idiot
…
Here,
Postumia, sit on my lap
And
make the room stop spinning
This
wine’s not so weak after all
And
Bacchus knows
I
like my Falernian straight off the vine
Where’s
that waiter gone
Sit on my lap, Postumia
Sit
on this
…
Fabullus,
darling
Long
time no see
I’d
forgotten your wife was such a looker
By
all means
Dinner
You
bring the salt, the wine
Something
nice, a little entertainment
And
I’ll recite the poems about True Love
I saved
for a special occasion
Here,
have a sniff of this
It’s
new, the latest scent, Venus Herself
I
think it’s called
One
whiff and you’ll beg the gods
To
transform you into One Big Nose
Even
starting with a hooter
The
size of yours
…
Speaking
of noses, that girl’s
Is
not the daintiest
And
how can she get through the door
With
those feet
Little
piggy fingers
And
Her
makeup’s awful
Can
you believe she’s praised
For her grace and beauty
Ha
I
hear Mamurra the bankrupt
Kept
her in the provinces
Imagine,
whoring for the likes of him
No
standards anymore, that’s the trouble
…
Gellius,
wise up, this guy’s a creep
Do
you think it’s normal, mounting your own mother
Or
your sister
Your
hand working beneath your clothes
The
farthest Tethys and the Oceans
The
Nymph King himself
Imagine
nothing lower
Nam nihil est quicquam sceleris, quo prodeat,
ultra
His
head tucked in his own crotch, sucking and sucking
…
My
girl swears it’s me she’d marry
Even
if Jupiter himself came courting
It’s
me she’d choose
Still,
she always talks that way
About
everything
Arms
waving, talking and talking
Even
when we’re at it
Love,
something written
On
water
…
Why
do you make me love you
You
make me crazy, how can I respect you
You
act like such a slut
If
this is going to work
We
both need to be better people
You
particularly
…
I’m
torn up over you
How
can you expect me to feel two things at once
To
explain it all away
Like
nothing happened
Love
and hate
Two
other words
…
I
take her abuse
She
works herself into a rage
Her
husband regards the whole thing
As
highly amusing
Shit
for brains, if he knew what the rages meant
It
wouldn’t seem so funny
She
can’t forget me, can’t find the cure
Can’t
find the silence
That
says she’s over me
…
Even
in public, such insults
The
more she realises she still wants me
The
more furious she gets
I’m
the same
I
never miss an opportunity
Dishing
the dirt to anyone who’ll listen
It
must be love
…
Don’t believe everything I
say, Tappo
I’d
dig out my own eyes before I’d think
Of
hurting her
I
was true, she more than cherished
We
more than lovers, no others above her
It’s
just that sometimes
Thinking
about her, I can’t seem to help myself
*
Brother,
I have come to your grave
In
this far place
At
the end of oceans
Here,
to your ashes
My
offering, a tribute our fathers would have known
How
else to mark this grief
The
last time I saw you
Neither
of us thinking of tears
Or
goodbyes
…
No
other island or peninsula
Allowed
by Neptune a place untroubled on the sea
Pleases
me as much as you
Sirmione
Safe
back from Thynia
At
last the journey to our own house
Ended,
among our own gods
We
deserve a rest, a couch
A
lake to look upon
A
chance to laugh-off Asia Minor
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